


What now?

by Elainablue



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Depression, Melancholy, My First AO3 Post, Sad, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 05:17:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12952140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elainablue/pseuds/Elainablue
Summary: After making Heleus viable and defeating the Archon Sara follows a darker train of thoughts while sitting in her quarters, not only because she has some restraints after "frying her brain".





	What now?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what made me write this, especially as it's my first attempt at writing fiction (especially in English), but I thought I want to post it here in order to get some feedback (comments are appreciated!). Slightly modified after I wasn't really happy with it - still I'm not, but well...

After everything she went through, all she accomplished, she should probably be happy, released, hopeful, proud - but she felt nothing like that. The fight for Meridian did overcharge all her strength, all her bravery, everything and left her with no feelings at all, except for numbness. Despite everything she and her team achieved in the month since they arrived in Heleus, there was no feeling of relief, she rather felt nothing but an awkward emptiness and the desire to just stop existing. Her head felt as if she held her breath for far too long and was now one second away from unconsciousness. Her body just barely followed her will - limbs heavy as lead restrained her to go anywhere or do anything but it's not like she had any interest in doing so.

Even if Lexi and the whole pathfinder team assured her, that exhausted disillusionment was quite common after a milestone event, her gut implied that what she felt - or rather not felt - was more than just the aftermath of an intense time filled with struggle and the endeavor to foil the archons intentions. 

Sara sat at the desk, trying to read, but all she did, was biting her nails. Most fingertips were aching or even slightly bleeding as she nibbled her nails until there was nothing more to get rid of. While staring at the letters on her datapad Sara tried to find some feeling in imagining how her future could look like. After all, she reminded herself, she paved the way into a thriving future on various planets, not only for her people but all milky way species and the Angara. Nonetheless, this future was nothing like what everyone expected when waking out of cryo. 

At the moment she didn't believe in any future that resembled any of her expectations. To be honest, she was sure she couldn't imagine any future for her at all. Now that her work was done, the task completed, what was left for her to do or to be? Settle down, have a family, do boring stuff every day until one day her maltreated, then old and fragile body refuses to work sufficiently? What was the goal in life anyway? What does she do, when not being the pathfinder, most important player of the milky way migrants? A life without meaning and structure, without a greater goal to achieve - how could that ever satisfy her? But on the other hand, there was no energy left to do anything like those last month. The restraints that came with frying your head by using remnant technology without SAM were so heavy, that even doing a 9 to 5 job behind a desk - without combat or politics - seemed to overstrain her mind and body. 

Sara's thoughts were heading in a dangerous direction. Not for the first time did she sense something like melancholy or was it rather some kind of grudge? Maybe even anger blended in with that vague hint of emotions. Anger that the great Pathfinder Alec Ryder, N7, an experienced soldier and even politician chose her to live. Maybe he didn't do what he did only for her, but to evade the brutal reality that welcomed the pathfinder team the moment they arrived in Heleus. 


End file.
